As I’ve said before, this blog is a chance for me, once a week, to get creative, which in my day-to-day life I don’t always do. I was having a long and detailed conversation the other day with some friends about religion (mainly about the book of Ruth) and in some twisted and highly amusing way we were suddenly talking about a time when, years ago, when I frequented Sunday School, one of our activities as we got a bit older was to talk about the Second Coming and what would happen if Jesus was with us today – presumably someone out there would make a mass marketing campaign. We had to draw a poster – looking back it was probably quite a heretical thing to do!

Anyway, as I told my friends this story (my poster, as I recalled, was titled “Jesus 2!”), I thought briefly about how now, in the age of the Internet proper, I’m sure there would be more than a few posters. With 24 hour news channels, Facebook immediacy and Internet memes, with BuzzFeed, sub-Reddits, trending and hashtags, everyone texting and sharing viral videos, there is no way that it would not be the biggest thing in our consciousness, parading endlessly through all the media that exist in some explosive saturation that would make the royal wedding look like a minor parochial event. Anyhow, I thought this week on this blog I’d get creative and suggest how the Internet would handle the Second Coming of Christ:

  • Worldwide trends #secondcoming #BRAZILlovesJESUS #sonofgod #1Dmemories #jesusisfake
  • BuzzFeed top articles: You Won’t Believe What This Woman Mistook Jesus For, 15 Gifs that Represent How Twenty-Somethings Are Feeling Right Now, Which of Jesus’ Disciples are You?,  38 of Jesus’ Most Awesome Moments (in no particular order), 21 Ways You Can Customise Your New Sandals
  • Cosmo’s Tips To Get Your Man Into The “Second Coming”
  • Vogue Special Issue – Biblical Fashions with Bold (Religious) Statements
  • Fox News present “Why Obama will be first to Hell”, part of our special “We Told You So” week of programming
  • CNN present “Jesus: The Real Issues”, with Piers Morgan, who is looking decidedly worried
  • You have been blocked for trolling. Please do not try and edit this Wikipedia article “The Second Coming (disambiguation)”. Your previous edit “jesus smells” has been removed
  • The X Factor: Week 8 and Simon’s next act is going to be singing a left-field choice, “Ave Maria”
  • The Israeli Embassy webpage is over capacity at present. Please check back later.
  • Hello ~~£$”* I am deposed Nigerian prince Jesus’ very good friend who also can get you entry to Heaven please send bank details me thank you
  • Amazon – all Bibles out of stock. People who bought this item also bought: Redemption – for the Panicking Souls, Christianity for Dummies, or Small Baptismal Font: Grey.
  • eBay has 10,000+ listings for your search term “satanic worship instruments” (PLEASE BUY)
  • Jesus looks a bit too foreign (Daily Mail)
  • “Like” and “share” if you enjoyed our special Google doodle!
  • BBC News headlines tonight: David Cameron ‘excited’ to see what Jesus will do for British hard-working families; ‘looking forward’ to no longer having to pay out disability benefit after miracles
  • and of course: DFS special “Second Coming” sale – 4 years payment free!

– PS: This post is for fun. Don’t take it seriously.


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