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The news has gone a bit weird lately, am I right? Things that just really aren’t what you’d expect from the news. See, if I listen to the news I expect to either see: Middle East terror and death; European laws causing problems in England; David Cameron and Nick Clegg assuring us the latest “corrupt MP” story is actually nothing to worry about, and probably Labour’s fault; a member of the Royal Family visiting a hospital or of course the old standard “ECONOMY FAILING MISERABLY ONCE MORE DESPITE THE FACT THE GOVERNMENT JUST SOLD OFF YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S HOSPITAL WARD”.

But these stories are like the strangest news I’ve ever read:

  • Oscar Pistorius, world renowned and acclaimed athlete, MURDERS his girlfriend (then granted bail).
  • The Pope, who has died in office for the last 600 years, GIVES up. (You’re the Pope! You can’t just quit! You’re the POPE!)
  • A TV station in Norway has broadcast a 12 hour programme in which it was JUST FIREWOOD BURNING. All day. JUST FIREWOOD.
  • All those beef ready meals you’ve been eating have actually been horse.
  • Dogs can drive cars now.
  • Some Banksy artwork on a Poundland in London has been removed by someone and is now being sold for profit in Florida. If that’s not bitchy I don’t know what is.
  • Oh, and finally: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21529234

But then again, some things are still normal: Danny Dyer’s latest film has made £602 in the UK box office. £602. And it holds a 0% rating on Rotten tomatoes. That’s, if we’re correct, NOTHING. ZERO PERCENT.

Life is back to normal.

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